i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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