scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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