Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
