oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
