I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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