Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
