he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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