What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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