Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
