How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
