I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
