I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
