I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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