yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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