He uses pillows to masturbate.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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