hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
