Well apparently he's into motor boating.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
