i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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