All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
