Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
