we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
