it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
