Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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