Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize