My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
