Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
