It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
