just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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