I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
