If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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