I accidentally burped into my bong.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
