We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is Oprah even human
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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