Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
