Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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