the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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