the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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