remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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