My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
