I accidentally burped into my bong.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
are you so shy because you have an std?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
