Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Be still, my beating vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
