time to smoke my breakfast
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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