maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dicks are not precious.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
