i would punch a child for taco bell
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
