Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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