There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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