all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
