ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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