Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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