i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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