there's paper in my vomit.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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