at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
