All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Randomize
