I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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