Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
