Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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