Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
North Korea, Best Korea!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
