Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
