I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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