no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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