Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
