i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
