So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
