i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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