It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
