My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
