it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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