It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
