there was a trapeze. enough said
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
