I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
