I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
