flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
