woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
