I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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