No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
