New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
