just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
