dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
17 year olds will be the death of me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
