I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
