Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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