were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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