I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
