Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
