I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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