dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
