If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
