When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
