why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
